Scarred
It’s sad that for the first time, I heard you cry. Over the phone. Over someone I don’t even know. But whoever made you cry. This I’m sure, you love her enough to cry.
Is it stupid that for many months I thought I’ve made it clear. That you will never hurt me again. But hearing so much about someone you’re loving now. Brings me back to that awful awful night.
You told me she said things to hurt you. As if a knife was repeatedly stabbing your heart. And you told me these things, knowing that on the other line, someone is still in love you. Someone is still willing to give her all to you.
You gave me no choice. I told you I’m not doing good too. The guy I’m with, a cheater, a fucking player. The exact opposite of you. I said it, hoping that you’ll feel the same way I’m feeling. Devastated. Envious.
Is it really that much to ask for a little happiness? I’m getting tired of begging. It makes me feel totally invalid. So untrue from what I really am. I’m strong.
I’m strong. Cos I didn’t die when you left me.
I’m brave. Cos even with fear in my heart, I’ve opened it up.
I’m strong. Cos it took the whole of me to love you. To accept everything that you are.
I’m brave. Cos even though I’m still scared of totally, completely, losing you. I’m walking away. Day by day. Step by step.
And one day, if this crazy world decides to let us meet again, I’ve got nothing to show you but scars you’ve left of me.
I love you too Rose.
Fuck that, you don’t love no one but yourself. And this is why I don’t want to be anyone’s girlfriend! Cos I suck at it.
Here’s my middle finger for you Drew!
Fuck you.
You kept telling me you love me.
Almost as if repeating them will make me believe you.
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(Source: cheetaahliciouss)
“I wish I had the courage not to fight and doubt everything… I wish, just once, I could say, ‘This. This is good enough.’”
— Chuck Palahniuk
You don’t know how afraid I am to love again. I know how frail we both are.
